i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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