you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize