Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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