i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize