Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
