Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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