So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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