Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
