Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
