I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
