At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
