saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
