Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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