SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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