Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
