I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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