I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
