i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
