and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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