I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
