i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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