She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
