I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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