No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
