Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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