Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
