I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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