i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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