My liver just broke up with me...
her vagine was all disorganized.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
