I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i've created a new STD.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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