Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
