Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
