I'm gonna have a badass scar
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
