His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
