I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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