Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
FUCK WHALES
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
