I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
