i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
