remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
