I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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