I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
