Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
