Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
