her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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