did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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