I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
