remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
