so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
