I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
