your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
