every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize