awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
