apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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