I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
