upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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