Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
