I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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