I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
