OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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