It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
