who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my sisters under your porch take her home
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
