why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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