Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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