dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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