dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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