I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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