and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
